Batman and Robin

1997

Starring: George Clooney, Chris O’Donnell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, and Alicia Silverstone

Written by: Akiva Goldsman based on characters by Bob Kane

Directed by: Joel Schumaker

Now this is the film that literally killed the franchise and I have no argument against that. Despite it still being financially successful, this is one of the worst superhero movies I have ever seen. It is right up there with Superman IV from almost every angle…except it’s worse.

Gone is any subtletly or any real attempt to make a serious Batman film. In it’s place are one liners galore, a few action sequences that the comics wouldn’t even try (surfing down the air to land on buildings and being able to run a second later), and some more eye candy – Uma Thurman as Posion Ivy and Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl.

The first comlaint I have is George Clooney. Could he have mailed in a performance anymore than this schlock? On paper it sounded interesting at the very least. In practice. Garbage. Anyone who complained about Val Kilmer fell asleep during this one (like I did the first time I watched this). I never thought I’d watch this one again….but my dedication to this review site knows no bounds.

Arnold Schwarzenegger also captures the crown for worst performance of his career channeling his inner Tommy Lee Jones and just all out crapping the bed.

The aformentioned Uma Thurman was hot certainly but my god I didn’t know she could overact this much.

Add into the tale, the horrific rendering of Bane, who in this film looks like the villain who ate Batman rather than who broke him.

The only good thing about the film was the attempt to make the story be about family and how the Batman family needs each other. Only problem? Wrong franchise. Batman and Alfred are the family. Batman should be a solo hero. Robin sometimes works, but only at first and eventually Robin too has to go solo. It’s how it works. Otherwise it becomes way too happy in the cave.

The movie was thankfully forgettable because when I do remember it, I want to puke. But it’s ok, I’ll take the Bat-Credit Card (actually IN the film and buy some cleaning product.)

F