Eyes

Funky dreams ahoy! Although are your dreams funkier if you are a Russian telepath, I think so! That’s a nasty scar on the Colonel’s face, but not nasty enough to detract from his huge jaw. Why is Ivanova so mad all the time? Oh, that’s right, she’s a woman and Russian. All women feel free to send your hate mail to me, I welcome it.

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Grail

I want a walking stick like Aldous carries, that would be sweet! What kind of name is Jinxo, he reminds me of a G.I. Joe washout or something. I have no qualms at all about laughing in the face of anyone that tells me they have dedicated their life to searching for the holy grail. Why not dedicate your life to something far more worthwhile and fulfilling like writing entertainment reviews or sports journalism? Oh, wait…

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TKO

I’ll get this out of the way right now, I compete in numerous combat sports and as a practitioner of those arts this episode is as offensive as an episode covering the subject of fighting can be. I’m still going to complain about this fact in the review proper, but a little forewarning for how mad this topic gets me. That being said I have absolutely not one funny, witty, or cool thing to say about TKO, and that is not a good sign methinks.

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Signs And Portents

Space battles everywhere and whoa momma did that big black ship just pulverize that other ship! I would love to have the visions as long as I didn’t have to lose what little hair I have left in order to attain them. That Morden is a dreamy dude, I would so sell out the rest of the galaxy for him. Lord Kiro on the other hand is not so much on the dreamy end and a wee bit too moody for my tastes.

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By Any Means Necessary

Cheesy puns ahoy matey! Sinclair appears to be a bit stubbly, maybe it’s the beginnings of a sympathy Stanley Cup playoff beard? Garibaldi so wants to shag Connelly, he just doesn’t know it. Speaking of barbarians, the one dock worker with the weird beard and caveman like forehead certainly reminds me of a caveman.

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Survivors

Drazi ninjas own your soul! I wish being an alcoholic was so easy to handle, I’d drink all the damn time if that were the case. Liana Kemmer makes me want to do things, naughty things, to her. Ya know, I really have run out of witty things to say. I don’t know what to say anymore, this episode left me that flat, man I’m almost as pathetic as this episode was, but not quite.

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Believers

I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky… Oh, that’s not what this episode is about, damn! I wish I could skirt authority as much as Franklin does. I skirt the authority here and Paul breaks my leg or some other appendage. If only today’s sci-fi on TV could be as daring and challenging as this episode. But, that’s alright, we all have the next episode of that zany and wacky Flash Gordon to look forward to! Stare inside the insides of Shon on a computer screen and find yourself transported to a classic Contra level, wicked rad!

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Deathwalker

Immortality is cool, until you realize that your wife also took the immortality serum and will be asking you if she looks fat for all of eternity. One hope I do have is that if I take an immortality serum I can as a Cubs fan finally see them win the World Series about 200 years from now. Of course after all that time I still won’t know what the heck Kosh is saying half the time, but you win some you lose some.

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And The Sky Full Of Stars

Those gray robes do look pretty cool actually. Not that I could pull it off, I could never get the hood right, but they do look cool. If people are randomly switching from Minbari to human and then back again I would like some advanced warning before I step foot in the corridor. Gambling debts are not good today and still aren’t in the future, that’s why I don’t gamble. Well, that and the fear of losing money at an exponential rate because I’m a dope.

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The War Prayer

Branding is not fun, unless it involves a hot girl and plenty of whiskey! Ivanova is easy, I mean, really, really easy, and I’m down with that. Sinclair gets all in a tizzy about anti-Aliens and Garibaldi has to run for cover as the spittle comes flying his way. What’s the point of super neato camouflage generators if you turn them off all the time? Londo, if your shoes are so fricking tight, then just loosen them up man!

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