Lady Jaye is wrapped up by some tentacles, hentai fanboys the world over sooo wish that scene would have gone in a different direction! I refuse to acknowledge this as the end of Cobra Commander, he’s still the man in my eyes. On that front Serpentor can go jump off a cliff for all I care, this I do command! This is a nostalgia trip that is well worth it, although I have heard from a certain reliable source that it’s much better when you take a different kind of trip at the same time.

Written By: Ron Friedman
Directed By: Don Jurwich

Bare Essentials:

A Plot - Cobra’s on the go again, but this time they aren’t the ones pulling the strings. The ancient race of Cobra-La have revealed themselves as the ones responsible for sending Cobra Commander out into the world to lead Cobra and for the creation of Serpentor. They have a plan that will unleash a spore based virus into the human populace and reduce them to mindless monsters. Along with the forces of Cobra, they steal the Broadcast Energy Transmitter to facilitate this plan, but their plan is thwarted by G.I. Joe resulting in their remaining land being ravaged, two of their prominent leaders in Pythona and Nemesis Enforcer apparently dead and their leader Golobulus fleeing for safety.

B Plot - Cobra Commander has had it, he wants Serpentor gone and he wants to be in charge of Cobra yet again. To this end he allows G.I. Joe to capture Serpentor and flees with the remaining Cobra forces to the Himalayan Mountains. Once there he seeks sanctuary in his old home of Cobra-La. They however now hold Cobra Commander in contempt and view Serpentor as the rightful ruler of Cobra. They rescue Serpentor from the Joe forces and hold a trial where they find Cobra Commander guilty of failure. As punishment Cobra Commander is subjected to the same spores they plan to unleash upon humanity and he slowly regresses until Cobra Commander is no more and is replaced by a common snake.

C Plot - Lt. Falcon is seeking to become a member of G.I. Joe, but he’s a very reckless and insubordinate soldier. He is constantly at odds with his half-brother Duke and continually messes up and eventually costs the Joes dearly when his dereliction of duty allows for the escape of Serpentor. He is given one last chance to shape up and is sent to train at the Slaughterhouse. While under the guidance of Sgt. Slaughter he does become a better soldier but he is forced to watch as his brother saves him from being struck by one of Serpentor’s snakes and falls into a coma as a result. In the final battle against Cobra-La Falcon redeems himself by defeating Serpentor, and using the BET to stop the spores from being unleashed upon humanity. He also learns that Duke has awoken from his coma.

Idiosyncratic Musings:

It’s true that there isn’t much depth to G.I. Joe: The Movie and as such there isn’t much to muse about. But, there is one area where G.I. Joe: The Movie shows some depth, art direction. G.I. Joe: The Movie is a product of its era, the 1980’s. The 80’s were a decade full of glamour and glitz with a lot of decadence, but they were also an era full of dirt, grime, and roughness. The action in G.I. Joe: The Movie is way over the top to play into the glamour and glitz of the era, but the animation, while good, is a little rough around the edges. This casts all the over the top action in a bit of a dark light, making sure that we get to see the grime and the grit of the 80’s to go along with all the decadence. Whether this was by design or a simple by product of a cheaper animation style I don’t know, but it works.

I Think This Might be Based On Something:

The entire G.I. Joe: The Movie cast is of course based on the action figures and cartoon series of the same name. Of course that is based on the classic G.I. Joe figures of the 60’s that were made to represent the dough boy soldiers of the 1945 film, The Story Of G.I. Joe.

The denizens of Cobra-La are very obviously inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft, and do have a very Cthulu like quality about them.

The non-death of Duke isn’t based on anything per say, but the fact that he ends up in a coma and doesn’t die is a direct result of Transformers: The Movie. There was such a fan backlash against the death of Optimus Prime in that movie that the producers of G.I. Joe: The Movie caved in to peer pressure and their desire to sell more action figures and changed that scene from Duke’s death to him merely being in a coma.

You Look Mighty Familiar:

Frank Welker, Torch/Wild Bill/Order, is an extremely famous voice actor. He was the voice of Fred “Freddie” Jones in countless episodes of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!, The New Scooby-Doo Movies, Scooby-Doo And Scrappy-Doo, The Richie Rich/Scooby-Doo Show and so many more. For the most popular TV series of G.I. Joe he voiced Wild Bill, Rock ‘n Roll, Torch, Timber, Copperhead, Junkyard, Freedom and Short Fuse. He voiced Bigtime Beagle in DuckTales. If you ever wondered who supplied the voices for Razhar and Tokka in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze, it would be Frank Welker. You can also give him credit for Abu the Monkey in Aladdin. He supplied the voices of Shao Kahn and Goro in the live action Mortal Kombat. He was Batman Beyond’s Ace the Bathound. Nibble from Futurama was Frank Welker. In Transformers: The Movie he voiced Megatron, Soundwave, Rumble, Frenzy, Laserbeak, Wheelie and Junkion. In Transformers: G1 he became the voice that everyone knew as Megatron, but he also voiced Soundwave, Laserbeak, Sludge, Ravage, Rumble, Skywarp, Trailbreaker, Chromedome, Frenzy, Galvatron, Wheelie and others. There’s a lot more, but you get the point, the man has voiced so many famous roles.

Sgt. Slaughter, real name Bob Remus, is most famous for his long pro wrestling career.

Burgess Meredith, Golobulus, is most famous as Mickey Goldmill, Rocky Balboa’s trainer in Rocky, Rocky II, and Rocky III. He was also The Penguin in a number of episodes of the very campy Batman and Batman: The Movie.

Chris Latta, Cobra Commander/Gung-Ho/Ripper/Televiper #1, was two characters. Every kid and their mother from the 1980’s can instantly recognize him as Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe (he also voiced Ripper and Gung-Ho) and as Starscream from Transformers G1 (he also voiced Wheeljack, Skullcruncher and Sparkplug Witwicky). He was also the original voice of Montgomery Burns on The Simpsons before he was replaced after only three episodes.

Peter Cullen, Zandar/Nemesis Enforcer/Scientist, is famous the world over as the voice of Optimus Prime from Transformers G1 and Tranformers: The Movie and the live action Transformers, but he also voiced the popular Ironhide as well.

Corey Burton, Tomax, voiced Spike Witwicky, as well as Brawn, Shockwave and Sunstreaker in Transformers G1 and Transformers: The Movie. Years later he would return to voice Shockwave as well as Ratchet, Ironhide and Megatron in Transformers: Animated. He voiced the character of Tomax for the entire run of G.I. Joe. He was Dale in Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers. He voiced Brainiac in multiple episodes of Superman: The Animated Series and Justice League. He voiced both San Hill and Count Dooku in Star Wars: Clone Wars Volume One and Two.

That Wasn’t Supposed To Happen:

There are a lot of moments that could go into this section, but most of them fit well within the over the top and implausible nature of G.I. Joe: The Movie. However one minor mistake that happens on a few different occasions does belong here, and that is bad post production voice dubbing. There are a few different scenes where you can tell that the voice they dubbed in does not in any way match the original voice actor, this is most evident with Sgt. Slaughter, especially in the attack on Cobra-La when he yells for everyone to cross the bug bridge.

There are also a few times when they get very lazy with the animation and the depth or spatial difference is way off, like how Cobra Commander goes from being a really long snake to a very short one when he battles one of Serpentor’s snakes.

There is one major continuity mistake, and this is the origin of Cobra Commander. It had already been shown in the TV series proper that Cobra Commander was Caucasian and he had talked before about his days as a youth in a military academy. This completely goes against the young noble man from Cobra-La with blue skin that G.I. Joe: The Movie gives us.

Final Ticket:

The opening credit scene starts the movie with a blast and it never looks back. It’s easily the best battle ever put on screen between Cobra and G.I. Joe. All the major players are present, the music is pounding, the action is choice, and you are immediately drawn into the movie. This was without a doubt the perfect way to start the movie.

A big strength of G.I. Joe: The Movie and something that is oft overlooked in any animated venture is the voice acting. These are professional voice actors and it shows in their performances. They hit all the right marks and inflict all the emotion and intensity that is needed for the characters to come alive on screen. Their work helps to ensure that the animation doesn’t have to stand on its own. Not that there was anything bad about the animation, but without the splendid voice work the animation wouldn’t be able to come anywhere near connecting with the viewer.

The biggest complaint usually lobbied against G.I. Joe: The Movie is the introduction of Cobra-La and the characters of Nemesis Enforcer, Golobulus, Pythona and the Royal Guard. I have no problem with Cobra-La and really liked the characters that were introduced as a result of their creation. It all boils down to the fact that they were a cool idea that was executed nicely and they ended up looking very interesting with interesting abilities and back story. I wasn’t a fan of how they upstaged Cobra and made Cobra Commander into even more of a wuss, but that’s always been a problem with the TV series compared to the comic books. It may have affected the franchise as a whole, but in this one movie alone Cobra-La worked well and were an interesting addition.

The only major flaw from a thematic sense in G.I. Joe: The Movie is the non-death of Duke. While I understand their reasons for not killing him as outlined above, it does hurt the film. It feels very cheap and dissatisfying that he lives. The entire purpose of the scene where he ends up in a coma was to give him a valiant death, to show that the movie would be more real than the cartoon. But, instead they left him in a coma and that is a big knock against the film and takes it down quite a few pegs.

G.I. Joe: The Movie is an extremely fun movie. The plot is thin and that’s exactly what it needs to be for the type of movie that G.I. Joe: The Movie wants to be. From the beginning it flows from scene to scene with over exaggerated action, heroics and melodrama. That is where G.I. Joe: The Movie is at its strongest, when it drops any pretense of being serious or grounded in reality and plays into a strict good versus evil, black and white, stereotypical world of the action hero. Some movies are arch and over the top and they suffer because of that, but that’s not the case with G.I. Joe: The Movie. This is a movie that must be arch and over the top with unbelievable gadgets, incomprehensible villains and implausible actions. Because G.I. Joe: The Movie plays up and into all of its strengths it ends up being a good movie and a blast to watch.

Rating:

75/100

B-

That’s it for the trip down nostalgia lane, and next time we will amp it up a little bit with a review of a very controversial movie, Cloverfield.